No happiness without patience ~ Part Three

Remote control happiness

Remember the olden days when you had to extract your posterior from the couch to change channels? That took such a monumental effort that most people sat through whole television shows without changing channels. Of course, that might have been because the other channel was playing Lawrence Welk.

Back in the two-channel universe there was always something on. Now we flip through 472 channels, which keeps us busy while wishing for something worth watching.

Thanks to the remote control, affectionately known by its technical term – the doodadder – we can flip channels at a relaxed pace of 15 to 20 per minute without even breaking into a sweat. Imagine our body odor if we had to extract our posteriors from the couch each time we change channels!

"Ugh. No like show. Change channels."

"That thing rock."

"Rock need more channels. This play only test pattern."

Happiness should be like television. If I don't get instant gratification, I should be able to change channels with a zap.

The checkout clerk who doesn't care...ZAP!

The driver kissing my rear bumper...ZAP!

The loudmouth yakking in the cinema...ZAP!

The telemarketer who calls during dinner...ZAP!

Come to think of it, all those annoying people in my way at the grocery store, at the ticket booth, in the parking lot, in the waiting room...ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"Miss Wooly no give me mammoth burger."

"What you do?"

"I zap her with club. Take mammoth burger."

"Ugh. You invent self-serve."

Sigh. Happiness is not like a microwave oven. Nor like the Internet. Not even like a doodadder. Happiness does not run on the instant gratification system. Happiness takes patience. Lord, please grant me the patience I lack...and I want it now!

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David Leonhardt is author of a self-help happiness book. He also runs a Liquid Vitamins Store and serves as a SEO/SEM website marketing consultant

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